If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
