nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
