If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
