in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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