I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
