You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
