I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
