have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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