I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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