just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize