her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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