I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
