My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
