You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
