Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
