Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Be still, my beating vagina.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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