you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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