there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i've created a new STD.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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