I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
