It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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