I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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