i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
