The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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