its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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