oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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