just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Holy sore nipples Batman
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
