out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
