im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
