are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
