Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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