I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
