You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
