I need help removing her.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize