Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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