I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
porn star boner night. come get it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
