Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
