Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You are a genius and a whore.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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