I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
