My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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