can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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