The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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