So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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