Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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