i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
