3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
