i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
