I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
