Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
