This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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