If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
