I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
